Sometimes I know things about myself and I just don't want to. It's called being self-aware. If everyone was like that the world might be a better place. But maybe not, because being aware of things does not always mean you can change them, or want to, when it comes right down to it.
I have been seeing an increase in behaviors involving my lack of control over my tongue lately. I noticed it and I excused it. "Well, if you knew how annoying that person was you would talk about them too" "If you saw how frustrating that customer was you would be sarcastic as well." But the truth is, with every word I say, with every tone I adopt, and with every utterance of sarcasm I hate myself.
This is not the person I want to be 1 Corinthians 16:14 "Do everything in love." Is it possible that means even work? Even talking to people that annoy me? Even as I right the word "everything" I think that is impossible! How can I be expected to be that patient, that kind, that loving?
I know it's possible because Jesus demonstrated it to us. He loved endlessly. When he was tired, when he was tempted, when he was beaten. He loved and loved and loved and he said he would give us what we needed.
My biggest fear is that I will misrepresent him, I love him so much because of the love he has shown me. He has shown me love even when I do everything possible to be unlovable. He just smiles at me and says "it won't work, but you can keep on trying."
He said in John 13:35 "by this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another." He was not talking about other Christians only. Jesus spent a lot of time teaching us who are neighbors are, and like it or not he means people that sometimes seem unlovable. Like customers, and family members, and people that hurt us.
My prayer today, Father I ask that you remove the cruel, sarcastic, gossipy part of me that separates me from the love that is inside of me. Help me to be patient, and loving. I do not say this lightly when I ask you to open up my heart to see everyone the way you do. As your creation, deliberately made in your image by you, for your purpose. Help me to do everything in love.
